Many days, weeks, and months ago, I suffered a betrayal that I thought I could never move past beyond. It cost me a lot of things... confidence in myself, trust in others, and "friends." Every time I'd encounter a milestone or a reminder of that painful moment, I'd lose all my confidence once again, and paranoia and self-pity would set in. I have tried so hard to avoid those moments and to keep to myself, to hide my pain and sorrow only to be witnessed by me alone. Today is one of those days. I fear that I will break down and wallow in self-pity. Once again, I want to just keep to myself and have my own pity party but I had made a promise. I will be there, I will face the reality of what had happened, of how my best laid plans had failed despite my earnest and sincere efforts. I don't know why I made the promise to be there but I did and I will fulfill it, not just for the people who stayed true and loyal to me but for myself. I have to do it for me. If I kept to myself and…
Category: Friends
An Introspection on the Past Three Years
It has only been three years but so much has happened. So much has changed. So many friends gained. And so many "friends" lost. It has been a long and winding road. In my 31 years of life full of drama, twists and turns, this last journey I have been taking for over 3 years has been an interesting one. Once again, I am at a crossroad. There are days when I still look back at the painful memories. And yes, there are still nights when I cry in frustration. Times when I'd get sad over the most trivial things. Moments when I feel jealous of others. I feel like I tried and worked so hard but I don't really have anything to show for it. There's always one thing I tell myself and others, that no matter how great or small, every experience is an opportunity to learn. And there are lots that I've learned through the past three years. At the very least, I can say I have learned many valuable lessons I would have never learned if this journey had been a successful one. I've learned that the world is full of people willing to screw you…
On Pride and Loyalty
Some people may call me proud. I burn bridges when necessary. Turn my back on people who have betrayed me. And I'm unforgiving to those who don't ask for forgiveness. It's not pride, I tell you. It's self-respect. I'd rather have few people around me than plenty of "friends" who choose to betray me, hurt me, and malign me. I know my worth and I'm uncompromising. You piss me off, disrespect me, become disloyal to me, you'd have to practically kneel before me so I can forgive you. I may forgive you, but I will never trust you again. So stop pretending like things are ok and we're ok. We're not. And pretending like we are will definitely win points with me. You might think I don't know the things you say about me. I know perfectly well how much crap shit and lies you say about me so you better shut your mouth. I'm the kind of person who does not deny my mistakes and wrongdoings. So when I say something is a lie, something is definitely a lie. Stop telling me things or warning me about other people. Stop thinking we'll ever be ok. Stop hoping you can…
Through the Fire Once Again
Not a lot of people are aware of it, but I've been through some tough times these past few months. Once again, my faith in people was tested. On most nights in January and February, I was crying. The only times I wouldn't cry was if I was out of town. Still smiling I have never aspired for awards or recognition. For the most part, I did my job earnestly because I loved the challenge of it and because I loved the people I was with. I was fiercely loyal and at times, clouded by my need to please my peers. But alas, my hard work and loyalty didn't count for much. As much as I would like to blame gossip, idle talk, politics, or whatever there is to blame, I was never able to make full sense of what happened. I felt lonely, betrayed, and useless. All my hard work for more than two years went unappreciated and counted for nothing. The people I fought so hard for, didn't value me as much as I valued them. Worse of all, my friends who didn't do anything wrong except be my friend became targets of other people's ire and paranoia.…
The Anna I Know
Anna and Ria I first met her over a year ago, when I joined the organization's New Member Orientation. We barely spoke to each other. In a few weeks, we got to know and trust each other. And within months, it seemed like we knew each other for a long time. I owe her a lot of things. Every time I thought I could not do something, she gave me the confidence and trust to accomplish the tasks set before me. Every time I wanted to quit, she was the voice of reason and encouragement. Every time I felt disappointed and angry, she calmed me down and gave me a reason to continue trusting in the good of people. She might not be a perfect person, but the Anna I know never stops trying. She sets out to do things not for fame, glory, and power, but mostly to improve herself, to challenge herself. And all the while, she gives and serves without agenda or hidden motives but to give and serve sincerely. She accepts every challenge with the willingness to learn and improve herself. She carried a chapter with barely ten members and worked hard on it, giving it…
100 Days Project: Mr Bariles
98 days to go and I dedicate this day to a dear friend. The second blogger seminar I was ever invited to was the Notre Dame of Marbel University (NDMU) Blogging Seminar organized by bloggers I met in a bloggers event here in Davao. It was 2008 and we had just founded a bloggers organization in Mindanao. I was teeming with enthusiasm and idealism. In that NDMU event, one of the persons I met was a blogger whom I was already following through his blog Dust Dadiangas. Back then, we has an audience member who was generous enough to drive me back to General Santos City from Marbel. The blogger is Avel Manansala who is no longer Mr Dust Dadiangas. And who, more importantly, is no longer just an audience member in blogging events. After the NDMU blogging seminar, Avel and I participated and collaborated in many other events and projects. Primary of which is the establishment of Mindanao New Media. He was also a big supporter of the Davao Food Appreciation Tour (DFAT) since it's first year. In not so many words, Avel supported Davao Bloggers, Avatar Media, and events by these groups ever since I met him on…