05/16/2019, past 4 am

Dear Love,

You know how some movies take you to a time and place? I am now watching “He’s Just Not That Into You.” And it took me back to when I first watched this movie.

Back then, I was in love with this guy. I thought he was my one great love. To me, back then, he was perfect. Smart. Hard-working. And not bad looking. He was quite charming. I thought he loved me. Maybe he did… but not as much as he loved other things.

When I watched HJNIY, it brought to light a lot of things. When you’re in love or heartbroken, everything means something. You relate to everything. So this movie, it made me think and realize that what we had, whatever it was, was not worth the pain and heartache.

We do not all have that one great love that’s epic and tragic but end up happy. Most of us, we fall in love quietly… without much fanfare and no drama. It might seem boring and ho-hum but most relationships are like that. Boring. Not worth being written about or watching. But it does not mean those are less magical than the big dramatic ones that cause as pain and heartbreak. It is magical because two people choose to be part of it.

So I am now 37. (Btw, belated happy birthday to me!) And I do not look for that one great love or the love of my life. Maybe I should just you know… live my life and if you come along, maybe it will all be better.

But who’s to say my life will not be great when I am single and stay single? So what if I never ever really love again? Or if I never have that one great love.

There is so much of the world to explore. So many things I could do.

So I do not know really… I am no longer waiting for love. Occasionally, I do look for it. Who does not want to be loved, right? Sometimes, I do wish I have a hand hold. Somebody I could tell my stories to and somebody to tell me their stories.

But it is no longer something I need. I no longer question myself and why all those guys left me. How most of them never really took me seriously.

I do not have the answers. Nor do I consider myself wiser or better.

But this I know for sure… love does not have to be a struggle. Relationships can be complicated, yes. It is hard work. But it should not have to be struggle. Or tragic. Or painfully dramatic. Not everybody has that one great love. And no, that perfect person might never come. Or might turn out not so perfect after all. Or maybe that boring, not quite dreamy guy might be the right partner for you.

But once you do have somebody to love who also loves you, that is more than enough. No need for fireworks, rainbows, and butterflies. Just love and respect. Making the choice to be with each other. No matter how boring or uneventful it has come to be… that’s enough.

Life is unpredictable. Love might never come. So what, right? Live.

As always, I’ve been babbling. I really do not know what I want to say. I just want to remind myself… I guess… I am more than enough. That being single for most of my life and never having had a real long-term relationship does not mean that there is something wrong with me. (Well, let’s admit it. I am damaged. Lol!)

I am ok. Sometimes, that is enough.

Life and love does not always have to be great.

Love,

Ria