Nobody really asked for this topic but I’m a bit intoxicated and I can’t sleep so what the hell, right? After all, love and relationships are the easiest and hardest things to talk about. Easy because we can all relate to it somehow. Or at least, the lack of it. And hard because it all really doesn’t make sense.

So here I am. 31 and single. One of things I often get asked (luckily, not so much by my relatives) is why I’m single. The answer? I don’t know. I’d like to think there’s really nothing wrong with me. So let’s examine my past relationships, instead.

My first boyfriend (who was not my first love, by the way) was one huge mistake. I’d rather not talk about the guy since we’re friends but let’s just say I went into the relationship just because. It was a long distance relationship and I felt like it was really not a big investment. While I did mourn the breaking up part, the relationship and the break up didn’t really take much of my time or emotions. Our usual nights would go like this…

BF: What you doing?
Ria: Playing DotA. DND.

or this…

Ria: Where are you?
BF: Playing DotA. DND.

Seriously.

My second “boyfriend” was, well, I could say probably the love of my life. (Ayaw na react ang mga nakabalo, ok?) Why? We were perfect for each other. We could talk about everything. He was supportive of my work, as much as I was supportive of his. But it was never meant to be. We were both too crazy to be with each other. We never really fought and we always talked about everything but the time was never really right for us to be together. He’s married now and I’m sincerely happy we didn’t end up with each other. Would have never really worked out.

My third boyfriend? Hmmm… let’s just say he was never really mine. I gave it my all but sadly, despite appearances, he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as much as I was. Good riddance!

Thing is, I have never really been in a long term committed relationship. The longest I’ve been with a boyfriend was 8 months. And I guess, it always turned out fine for me. Every time somebody would break up with me, I’d have opportunities come my way. More fun. Better productivity. And a chance to have conversations with my crazy self.

It might not have ended well with those three men and a few others I dated who weren’t really my boyfriends, but I think I have grown stronger over the years. I can’t claim to be wiser about love and relationships, but at least I am stronger. Pusong bato? Not quite. But strong enough to weather heartbreaks and heartaches.

It’s been three years. While I might occasionally whine and bitch, the past 3 years have been great. I’ll talk about the past three years in due time, but here’s what I know now… I’m better off alone than with somebody who doesn’t deserve my time.

Here’s what people tell me… my expectations and standards are too high and I don’t open myself up to enough people. Maybe so… but here’s what I know for sure: my relatives and my friends have even higher standards than me.

Until I find that guy who will hold my hand in public, who is not afraid to be introduced to my relatives and friends (NONE SO FAR, not even any of the 3 exes), who can converse with me about anything trivial, philosophical, and mundane, who is willing to put up with my craziness, and who is willing to be blogged about (yes, that’s a requirement), I am happy being single.

More time for myself. Better chances at productivity. And more opportunities for growth. I guess I’m not just 31 and single. I am 31. Single. And FABULOUS. 😉

PS If any of my exes of the guys I dated have any opinion on this matter, do feel free to comment. Even anonymously.