This is my article for my Riality Bites column on SunStar Davao‘s Lifetsyle section, published on September 22, 2010.

Since it premiered on the cable channel, the romantic comedy “He’s Just Not That Into You” (HJNTIY) has been played and re-played over and over again on the HBO Channel. I first heard about “He’s Just Not That Into You” the when it was mentioned in the hit TV show Sex and the City.

The book from which the film was adapted from was actually a self-help book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It was published in 2004 and was even featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

In 2009, a film adaptation of the book was made an all-star ensemble cast which included Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansonn, Ben Affleck, and Justin Long. It featured multiple storylines of guys meeting girls, guys breaking up with girls, and various permutations and combinations of romantic entanglements.

Guys and girls alike were equally amused and annoyed by the characters and their stories. Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin), the narrator probably earned the most thumbs downs. She was dumb and stupid about love and relationships. And even when she was made aware of her stupidity, she continued to be stupid.

The film was neither insightful nor deep but it hit every girl who watched it, to the very core. Why? Because we have all been there. Been dumb, stupid, and ilusyonada. And even those who don’t want to admit it would claim they know somebody who is “that stupid about love.” Wag na mag-deny, nagpaka-gaga ka na rin dahil sa pag-ibig.

We all related to the movie. Been left hanging. Left somebody hanging. Read between the lines even when there was nothing to read. Cheated. Been cheated on. Expected something but left with nothing. Confused with all the mixed signals. Our hearts were broken and our dreams of happily ever after shattered forever. We’ve all experienced at least one of these things. If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky, you’re the “exception.”

But the rest of us, we’re the rule. That’s why it’s called the rule people. Because it is what is supposed to be. Yes, guys who really do want to call will call. Or rather, would “text” if he truly wanted to “text” you. Kahit na walang battery at walang load, maghahanap yan ng paraan. Magbabayad yan ng dalawang piso sa sari-sari store para lang ma-text ka. Believe me… guys who want to reach you or contact you, WILL FIND A WAY TO DO SO. The film (and the book) is right.

That is probably why the book and the film touched a lot of nerves. Because we’d all like to be the exception. Most of us grew up believing in fairy tales and watching tagalong romantic movies where best friends suddenly turn lovers and poor girls are saved by the charming rich guy who was formerly a rebel or tormentor.

We thought the movies and the TV shows spoke the truth. Most of us didn’t know better. We still don’t know better.

Even with our hearts already broken and buckets of tears shed, we continue to believe and hold on to the faith that we will be swept away by the man of our dreams. This is not so.

The truth is… love and relationships are hard. Guys don’t just leave their girlfriends because they met someone better who loves them better. Guys do not go against their parents’ wishes just so they can be with the girl they love. Men do not leave their wives and families because you understand them better and they love you more. Men do not stay loyal and loyal because they have dedicated and hot wives. Guys don’t decide to marry you just because they love you or even when they love you.

The realities of love, relationships, and marriages are much more complex and mind-boggling. Why? Because we do not live in fantasy world of black and white. Each person is different, each man and woman think and act differently.

Unlike mathematics or physics, love and relationships can’t be deducted into generalizations, theorems, postulates, and proofs. Each situation is different. Each person, each couple or un-couple is unique. The dynamics of one relationship cannot be the basis for comparison or conclusion of another. There are no real rules in love and relationships.

But amidst the chaos and complications, dynamics and entanglements, there is also some sense to it all. When a guy does not call you… he is not interested. When a girl does not even introduce you to her girlfriends, consider yourself busted. When a guy tells you you’re a good friend, then he considers you a friend. Most likely, just as a friend. These are basic things that your own logic should tell you.

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule. But you are probably not it. Don’t be afraid to look at yourself in the mirror and admit that “DAMN! He’s just not that into me!”

So what? There are other guys in the world. Stay fit and look forward to your next blunder, este, next relationship. Best you can hope for is that you’ve come out a better, stronger, and smarter woman because of the asshole who broke your heart.

Just remember… you’re not a princess and this is not a fairy tale. It’s a real world we live in. There won’t be a charming young prince who will kiss all your worries away. You have got to save yourself.