It’s so cliche to say that I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. But that’s exactly how it’s been these past few days. And sad to say, I’ve been paralyzed to a certain extent. Proof of this is my inability to blog about my life.

Sure it’s been easy to blog about the stand-off, Pinoy Big Brother, shopping, my work, and those other things. But when it comes to my life, what I’ve been up to, what I’ve been feeling, the daunting challenges I face, the stupid mistakes I’ve made… it’s just been a struggle.

One moment I’m happy… or at least trying pretending to be happy, the next I’m simply miserable. I know it’s my fault, and I have nobody else to blame. Well, I could blame a lot of other people, but I don’t want to.

It’s hard accepting my mistakes. And even harder owning up to it, and correcting it. It’s hard to move on, and move forward. It’s difficult to wake up everyday, knowing nothing is better and it won’t be for a long time. It’s hard to look forward to the holidays when you know it’s not going to be an easy or happy one.

It’s hard. Life is hard. I’ve been down this road once. But this time, it’s much harder, much more of a struggle. I must have not learned anything at all, and that makes me much sadder and disappointed at myself.