I don’t know what to do, what to say, what to think, what to feel anymore. Pros and cons, positives and negatives, what ifs, consequences, repercussions, anxieties, and fears all crowd my mind right now. There are times, moments when things seem easy, when deciding and choosing is possible. But there are times when all becomes hazy again.
Why does it have to be so hard? In paper, what I have to do seems clear and easy to pick. But the reality is… it’s not. It’s not as easy as it seems, not as simple as I want it to be. I keep on hoping that maybe soon enough all will be clear, that suddenly, I will decide… we will decide and stand by it no matter what, for the sake of ourselves. But that does not seem to be in the horizon. For now, everything is up in the air.
Now I know what “It’s complicated” truly means and it’s not a good thing. It’s as if our lives, what we have, our feelings are in a limbo. One wrong step and everything will fall and break. And one correct move will make everything better. It takes just one word, one action, one simple gesture from either of us to finish all of this. We’re both waiting, biding our time for that moment.
When making decisions, always look at your objectives and this will help you make the right choice. Sometimes I go to the extremes of writing things down, doing a SWOT analysis and I even use Porter’s 5 forces. LOL. To some it may sound so cold and harsh to make decisions using a business methodology, but it works for me coz it makes me logical (especially when it’s an emotionally riddled problem). Good luck!
Thanks for the advice Ate Aileen! In this situation, I decided to keep going because the relationship is still helping me grow. And our problems are making me mature.