It's inevitable. Every break up is painful. No matter how many bad fights you've had, no matter how long a time you've been actually been waiting for it to happen, it still stings. I think most of the time, it's not the being left alone, being left behind that hurts. It's the doubts, the unanswered questions, the asking when the lies must have started, when did the love fade, when did it start slipping away, and the loss of the confidence that cause greater pain. It's the unanswered question of "what the f*ck went wrong when I thought everything was going well" that makes us cry. Nobody (in his right mind) enters a relationship with the foresight or the expectation that it will crumble or end somehow. One enters a relationship with the expectation, the idea that it will be develop into a deeper one, it will last long, somehow. So when it happens, when what you fear finally arrives, when it ends, you start questioning yourself, the other person, the relationship, and everything that happened. Was the love even real? Were the happy moments really happy? You question yourself. You ask if there's anything wrong with yourself, could you…
Category: love
Miss Statement
Dahil ako na... ang mahilig mag-emote and mag-drama with my boys, boylets, exes, and other eklavu. At dahil gusto kong talbugan sina Catherine, Scarlet, Isadora, at ang bonggang-bonggang sina Madam Claudia Buenavista at Amor Powers, here are some of the lines I have uttered IN REAL LIFE in the recent past... Boy: I'm sorry, I can't take this kind of drama. Ria: I hope you won't regret letting me go. Ria: What do you want? Do you want me turn back time so you'd meet me first? Because I would if I could. Boy: I'm really sorry. Ria: Madali lang naman akong kausap. You don't want me enough? I'll move on the next guy. Boy: Good night! Ria: Is it presumptuous to think you like me? Coz I know you do. Boy:... Boy: I'm turned off by aggressive girls. Ria: Sorry naman. Pinanganak akong ganito. I can't let things happen to me, I make them happen. Ria: I know you like me. Break up with your girlfriend and I'll instantly be your girlfriend. Boy: I'm sorry I can't let her go. Ria: You want to continue dating her? Ok. You can have her, but I'll also have my other boys.…
Moving Forward
A lot has been said and a lot has happened since. This is really it, yes? We're moving on. And I'm taking it easy. There will be better days than today, that I am quite sure. I'm finding it hard to smile and laugh and be ok. But I will be happy. I have done everything possible to make it work. And that is enough to make me happy. I will be happy. (I'll keep saying that til it becomes true. LOL!) At the very least, I have learned a lot from this. For one, I know I can love... sincerely. It's the being loved in return I have to learn or earn. There is still a part of me that's insecure with who I am, what my value is, and what I deserve. That I am learning. As we went through the motions of what happened, I kept questioning, as I still do, if I deserve to be happy or to be sad. Do I deserve to be hurt? Am I good enough? Am I enough? But I realize, I didn't work hard to be where I am, to be who I am, to be this goddamn hot and…
Letting Go and Moving On
It has been a rollercoaster ride. A very enjoyable and happy one. But we have to end it, and we both know why. Even before it even began, we knew this was coming. Too many issues, to many complications that not even our feelings for each other, no matter how strong, can overcome. I am hoping, as I know you are too, that this is not really the end of it. But we both know that for now, this is good bye. Nonetheless, thank you! Thank you for taking care of me, and making me feel special and important! Thank you for making time, and exerting effort even if you had little time or energy! Thank you for the lessons I have learned throughout these weeks. I appreciate everything you did and gave. I want you to know that despite this heartbreak here, I consider our short time together very special and memorable. What we had might not be a real relationship, just something a bit more than friendship. But it was an eye-opening one. Thank you for making me believe, for showing me I can have what I want and what I deserve! It might be hard to find…
Dreaming of You
It's one of my all-time favorite songs, and my cousin Tinky and I love singing this everytime we go videoke-ing. Selena's Dreaming of You Late at night when all the world is sleeping I'd stay up and think of you And I'd wish on a star That somewhere you are thinking of me too Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me Wonder if you even see me And I wonder if you know I'm there If you looked in my eyes Would you see what's inside? Would you even care? I just wanna hold you close But so far, all I have are dreams of you So, I wait for the day and the courage to say How much I love you(Yes, I do) I'll be dreaming of you tonight Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Then here in my room, Dreaming about you and me Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin Late at night when all the world is sleeping…
Why I Haven't Lost Hope
Everyday, people ask me why I am not worried that at 26, I am single and have no prospects for a husband. Heck! I haven't even really had a serious long-term relationship. I'm retarded, I know. SHADDUP! Other people are more worried than I am. It doesn't really bother me a lot. I know I whine, blog, and Plurk a lot about boys, having them, not having them, and many other variations of being with them or having problems with them. But the truth is, I am taking things slowly, am just out there to have fun. I am not losing sleep over the fact that my biological clock is ticking and I might never get married or have children. You see, when I broke up with my so-called boyfriend, Ate Aileen told me to take it easy and have fun with teh boys. She literally told me to find, meet up, and maybe date at least three boys per week. I took her advice to heart and didn't take anybody seriously. Rather, I went out there and had fun. I'm still having fun. Right now, I really don't know what it is I want from a guy and from…