She gave herself grace because no one else would. She gave herself forgiveness. There was no one else. Understanding. Love. Care. All these things she gave herself. Because there was no one else to get if from. And even if there were, she did not how to ask. She was trained to be the best. Be good. Be excellent. Never fail. Do not falter. Because if she failed, there was no one there for her.

She was not always good to herself. Not always kind. Rarely polite. But she tried. She tries. Really, it is all she can do.

She wishes she can shout out and be heard. That people could see her tears. Feel her pain. That they would understand and know that she was weak. And suffering. Barely surviving. That they would care enough.

But she does not know how. Does not know if anybody would care enough to do something. To make her feel she is important too.

So she does her best to give herself what she cannot get from others.

She tries.

Because the alternative would be defeat. And she is not yet ready for that. Not today.

04.06.25
03:54 am