Dear Love, I have been planning to write this for a few days now. Despite how complicated what we had was, you were the only one who really saw me. You listened to me. Tried to understand me. Remembered things I mentioned. Consoled me when I needed it. I guess what I am trying to say is "thank you!" For the longest time, I kept on asking myself why our memories mean much to me. We did not have much. Not much time nor memories together. Yet what we had... whatever it was, it still means much to me. And it struck me. You truly saw and understood who I am. And I haven't realized that there are so few so who did that for me, made me feel seen and understood. Like my problems mattered. As if what I said had meaning. That my victories, big and small, were things I should be proud of. While I regret so much of what happened between us, I am still grateful because you always listened. You were always there to comfort me. You never insisted on solving my problems for me but you were always ready to help when I asked…
Year: 2021
Dear Love
Dear Love, I cannot believe I am finally doing this. And I hope I do follow through because I know I need to. This is just the first of what I think would be many. To you and to others to whom I owe my words to. First off, I want to make it clear that I am doing this without any agenda or intention other than to say the words I have meant to say. To share my thoughts and finally let go of things. I am a mess. I usually am... but now more than ever. And it is sad that the one person I badly want to talk to is the one person I cannot and should not talk to about it. My life has always been this comical tragedy that people would never think could happen in real life... so I guess I should not be shocked anymore that this is currently where I am at. For now, this is all I can say... I have never thought it possible for me to be so wrong about myself and about you... about us. After decades, I finally know it has always been you. Whether by fate…
Dear Love
Dear Love, The past few weeks have been great. The past two days have been especially wonderful. I have been laughing and also been very productive. But today, just a few moments ago, I read a piece of fiction that I have already previously read. I loved it when I first read it. It is a happy end to a sad story. So when I saw it again, I re-read the last few parts. But it made me sad. And suddenly, tears were about to fall. And I found it difficult to move, to lift the glass of water, to stand up. I felt weak. I do not know why. To be honest, I do not want to know why it made me sad. I have things to do. But this, I can do to try to lessen the pain. Or numb myself. I write about it. Tell this story to you. There is nothing more than a sad story here. No lesson, no insight. Nothing new. Just me being randomly sad and not feeling ok for no particular reason. I do not want to cry it out or sleep it off because I really want to finish what I…
Dear Love
Dear Love, It's been a while. Suddenly, it is August... and before we know it, the ber season is here. And 2021 will come to a close. It's like I blinked to rest and the year went by, without much really happening to me. But really, a lot has happened since. I would like to say I am much better. Truth is, I do not know. But this I am certain, I have come to know, learn, and realize a lot these past few months. Whether by mistake or mere happenstance, I have come to understand more about myself. Not intentionally. Definitely not deliberately. But I welcomed it. Like a flood, memories came rushing back. Along with it, more tears than I had expected. Countless nights spent thinking. Mulling, And yes, crying myself to sleep. I am not ok. But this time, not because of the usual reasons. One day, I will be brave enough to tell those stories. Share those memories. Meantime, I will spend more time thinking, asking, and seeking answers. Not because I need closure, but because I need to do better. Be better. I am not ok. My heart is not ok. My mind is clouded.…
Marry You
Yes, SHINee is back. Before you start wondering when and why I suddenly became a KPop fan, let me tell you it is a long story that developed in just a few weeks. Will definitely share more about that soon. Meanwhile, let's enjoy this SHINee comeback teaser "Marry You." Marry You Live Performance SHINee recently held a digital event entitled "The Ringtone" and at the end of the show, they performed one of the songs from their 7th album. Baby Cheese Taemin has been hinting about this song and some viewers even guessed the title during the broadcast. It has been weeks since I first watched this and yes, I do watch it at least once day. The song is not yet available on Spotify but will be online soon. Watch their performance and tell me you were as enthralled as I am. https://www.youtube.com/embed/GG9hPKwmeYo This is such a nice song. A bit slow but definitely a good showcase for the vocals of all four. And their styling in this performance is just impeccable. Key always be serving. (Do not miss his Allure feature on turning 30 and his views on femininity and masculinity. ) Marry You is the so-called "Side…
Dear Love 02/22
Dear Love, It has been a long time. I have been meaning to write for weeks now but I always forgot to do so. Not because I have no reason to share but, well, because I have been too preoccupied. And I have also started journaling. My entries are mostly short and not as profound as I would like them to be. I often write about an hour before I sleep. So I am usually sleepy or tired. I am still undecided about how I should proceed with journaling. Should I just do as I do now and write about whatever my thoughts are at the end of the day? Or should I try to be more creative? I do want to try to do creativity exercises but I am still unsure about that. My days have been long and productive since January 1. But the past week has been hard. Nothing bad happened. Nothing big really. I was just exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I did not plan to rest or take a break but I slept late on Monday because of F1 and was happy to see that I had coincidentally scheduled Tuesday as rest day. And I…