Dear Love,

Merry Christmas! 🙂

I don’t know who you are yet and as I write this, I am still undeniably in love with someone else. I am reading random posts that I wrote while listening to overly sentimental OPM songs. I don’t really know why I am doing this and what I will be writing to you about. But I had the urge to write to you.

I may not know who you are yet, or maybe we have crossed paths once or twice. I don’t have any inkling. All I know is I look forward to the day I love you. And you love me back. Unconditionally.

One of my favorite quotes is from one of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” You see, I have this tendency of loving and falling helplessly in love with guys who don’t seem to think I am worthy of loving back. I waste time investing in guys who don’t have the time or heart to love me back.

Friends often reprimand me for investing in those guys. But I am dumb as hell. I think when I was born, I was lacking that gene that would make me stop myself from loving a guy who’s just not that into me. For somebody who can easily assess and judge guy’s motives and personality, I am quite dumb when it comes to seeing a guy I love for who he really is. I am hopelessly in love with them. I love and care for them unconditionally. Leaving little for myself. Even when I know they’re bullsh*tting me and doesn’t really want to give me anything in return.

I hope you realize what many of the guys I dated have told me, that they will regret letting me go. I hope you won’t make the mistake of letting me go.

I was just too much for them to handle. I’m too all over the place. Too loud. Too aggressive. Too much of a man to be an actual girl, to be a trophy girlfriend or an arm candy. I have mellowed down through the years, but this is me. Loud, strong-willed, assertive. I hope you accept that about me.

On the other hand, I never ask for anything. I rarely demand for time or attention. And even when I do, I easily let it go when it’s not given to me. That, apparently, makes guys feel insecure even if they pretend to get annoyed by a girl who asks too much or easily gets jealous. My friend says I should start acting more like a girlfriend for the guys to feel like I am their girlfriend. If you feel that way about us now, just tell me and I’ll be a stricter and more matampuhin girlfriend. LOL!

A friend told me I should go find a guy who worships me, one who’ll do anything I want and just won’t care what people say. I hope you’re not that guy. I need somebody strong enough and with big enough balls to shut me up when necessary, to carry me through the changing tides of my life, to hold my hand and cheer on me when something good is happening in my life.

I need for you to be there. Not physically there all the time, but to be interested in what I do. And even when you don’t really understand me, you’ll try to. Even when what I do or what I get is not something you can relate you, I need you to congratulate me and give me a pat on the back. I don’t need any rewards from you, just the assurance that I’m doing something right.

And when I’m down or sad, I don’t really need you to punch the person who made me cry. I don’t need you to fight my battles. All I need is for you to let me be, to hold my hand, and maybe give me a hug.

I don’t need somebody with a big ass car and lots of money, but somebody who have the drive to be somebody. I need someone who is trying to make something of himself, who has a career or business that makes him happy and gives him the chance to grow and learn.

When people ask me what is it that I really want like a guy, I’d answer I want a good conversationalist. I want somebody who can converse to me about anything, from the mundane to the profound, from the results of today’s game or the latest games I’m playing to the complex issues of politics, from what was on last night’s teleserye to the most interesting things on the Discovery Channel.

Finally, and this is very important to me, you must be able to get along with my friends and relatives. I don’t require you to hang out with them or know everybody by name. There’s just too many of them. But I’d like you to at least try to go with me when we have family dinners or join us when we have our pig out sessions or watch a movie.

I know this seems a lot to you. But all these things… these are the things I can also give you. I’ll be there through the ups and downs of your life.

I’ll be proud of your work and I’ll always give you a kiss and congratulate you when you do something right. I’ll smile and look pretty beside you when you get awards or win your league’s basketball tournament. When you are tired, I won’t bug you. I’ll even make you some coffee or cook for you. When you are sad or lonely, I’ll let you be. I’ll comfort you the way you want me to. And if you need me to punch or scratch the eyeballs of somebody, I’d probably do it for you.

I’ll work hard and passionately to have a career and maybe a business that would help me grow and contribute to our success together. And maybe if I have extra cash, I’ll buy you a big ass car and some nice gadgets.

I’ll be interested in whatever it is you’re interested in. I’ll watch your basketball games with you or whatever sports you’re into. I’ll listen to you when you talk about you’re colleague’s funny habits, or how much of an asshole your boss is. I’ll engage you in a discussion of politics, the latest gadgets, or that newly discovered star several light years away.

And yes, I’ll tolerate your friends no matter how annoying or childish they might be. I might even become good friends with them. I’ll allow you to go on a boys’ night out, to have a drink or two with your best buddies.

Of course, I’ll go to family dinners and other occasions with you if you want me to. I’ll help you pick out the best gift for your mom or sister, and maybe even volunteer to accompany them to the salon or to shop. I’ll try my best.

Relationships, I believe, are difficult but all it takes is both parties making the choice of loving the other and standing by each other trying his or her very best to make it work, no matter what. And if we both consistently and constantly make the choice to love each other, I believe there are no storms or temptations, no problems or challenges we cannot go past through.

What I really need from you is for you to make the choice to love me as I have made the choice to love you. Please don’t break my heart.

Thank you for seeing in me what a lot others have missed! It might sound mayabang, but I believe you have just gotten for yourself the best girlfriend you can ever have. CHOS! Seriously, though… I’ll work hard for you and I to work. As I hope you will too. Thank you for choosing to love me! I promise you an interesting life together.

I know I am too much sometimes, I apologize for that now.

I love you! 🙂

In love with you,

Ria Jose

PS Please don’t dare cheat on me and think I won’t know about it. 😛