Dear you,

It’s been a year since I chose to break down my “force field” and let you into my life. A year since I chose to silence my nagging brain and listen to my stupid heart instead. A year since I chose to love you and let myself be hurt.

You broke my heart, and in a way, my spirit. Insecurities re-surfaced and I was brought back to the reality that no matter how great a person I try to be, not even when I try my best to please people, I cannot force them to choose me or love me. My pride was hurt. And I felt challenged.

So I chose to stick it out. Hoping that maybe this time, I will what I deserve. That maybe being the better choice, the better person will pay off. But alas! Like how most of my life has been, I didn’t get what I think I deserve. No matter how hard I tried to be good, to be better, you didn’t choose me.

It took me a long time to let go. And I must admit there’s still a part of me that won’t let go. I have moved on, but I haven’t let go yet. That’s the sad truth.

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t choose to love you. That I can go back to a year ago and choose differently. Be smarter. Be stronger. Know better. But then again, I wouldn’t know how much I deserve better if I didn’t love you.

Yes, despite being an underachieving, overweight, overly aggressive chick… I deserve better because damn I’m a great girlfriend and lover! Underneath this all, behind the bitch that people fear is a person who loves selflessly and unconditionally.

So, thank you! Because the pain, sadness, and tears made me realize that I deserve better. That my resilient heart deserves to be taken care of. That my willingness to give and sacrifice deserves to be appreciated. Even if I grew up broken, filled with self-doubt and insecurities, I am a person worth loving.

And if I never meet the guy who deserve my love and friendship… then so be it.

I still have the same hope for us. That we both get what we truly deserve… Happiness.

I love you still. But not the same way I did before. I mean it when I said we should be friends.

Thank you! 🙂

From the girl you will forever regret you let go,

Ria