“I did not know back then that all the promises he had made me how empty they were. If there had been no promises, would it have been easier for me right now? Even though I know how baseless his talk is, I hate myself for wanting to believe them… I hate myself for still wavering at the meaningless glances… for dwelling upon it like this. Losing love may just mean losing one’s self-confidence.”
– Kim Sam Soon, My Name is Kim Sam Soon Episode 3

That is a line from one of my favorite TV Series, My Name is Kim Sam Soon. After breaking up with her boyfriend for several years, Sam Soon feels like her life is on a limbo. And I can totally relate.

The break up didn’t just cause heartaches for Sam Soon, but also doubt and uncertainty. She suddenly felt lost and insecure, unsure of what the future will be, whether she will love again and get married, if she will be able to move on and trust again.

We have all felt that. It takes a mighty lot of self-confidence to have never felt that kind of loss. When one breaks up, a person does not just lose her love, but also a part of herself, her sense of being.

It has been that way with me, as with most other people.

When you are in a relationship, no matter how strong or confident and secure you are as a person, a part of you is invested in that relationship. Your life, your plans, your future belongs to that relationship and your partner. And when you lose that relationship, when things fall apart, a part of you also falls apart and breaks down.

Imagine an insecure person, somebody who doesn’t feel comfortable in her place, in her skin, in her body, in who she is and where she’s going… imagine her losing love. Imagine how devastating that is. That is how Sam Soon felt. And that’s how I felt too.

No matter how strong we seem to be, we break down at the slightest instance of wavering confidence, of doubt in ourselves. Losing love is losing confidence.

Losing love makes you question yourself, who you are and what you’re worth. It makes one question one’s being, one’s strengths and weaknesses. It makes one look at herself under more scrutiny. Even the most secure person will probably question her worth and place in the world.

Losing love leads to questions of the uncertain future, of how life will be different. Of how to move on and have a life different from what she is used to. Outside of her comfort zone.

Losing love, devastates a person. But it also gives us a chance to look at ourselves better, more clearly, and hopefully, with a much better perspective. Loss gives us a chance to be better, be more, and appreciate ourselves and what we have more.

Losing love is not only losing confidence, but also a chance to gain it back and get better. 🙂