Granted I only have one official ex, I think I have enough ex-boylets, ex-suitors, and ex-pseudobfs to make this memo. Anyway…

If you have as much as showed or expressed interest in me, you are now required to date only hot chicks or at least those who are prettier or smarter than me (IQ should be 120 and above). Otherwise, you will only give me a reason to applaud my wise decision not to be with you anymore, and laugh at your sorry pathetic ass.

I’m not as hot as I make myself to be, so you know… shouldn’t be too hard to find somebody more attractive or hotter than I am. I know I have ginormous boobies and a lot of junk in my trunk, so I’ll give you guys a free pass and allow you to date less curvaceous girls. But please let them be more attractive than me. Well, most of you exes are ugly anyway, so I guess it might be harder for you to find somebody more attractive than me. Tough luck!

And she must be smart, noh? I mean you didn’t dump/stop dating/stop courting me just to be with or replace me with an airhead or a bimbo. I hope. Coz that would be too insulting. I don’t require her to love Math as much as I do or write as well as I do (not that I write excellently all the time), but come on… yun namang di nakakarindi ang kabobohan.

Of course she should also have a better personality than me. It’s easy to find girls who are nicer than me. After all, I’m no goody goody. So niceness, while it matters in most other situations, doesn’t really count much here. When I say better personality, she should be more outgoing, more sociable, more generous, and more understanding and caring than I am. I curse like a sailor, prolly have more vices than you do, and could care less about what other people say or think about me, so shouldn’t be too hard to find someone better than me, right?

Moreover, if you have the gall to bring her to my turf and compete with me, she better BRING IT ON! Don’t bring her to the shop if she can’t beat me at DotA. Don’t parade her at the poker club if she can’t pawn my ass. Don’t even dare tell me she’s a blogger if she can’t come close to what I am doing. Simply put, don’t date a second rate version of me.

So there you go exes, shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Kthnxbai!