I was never a big fan of Sex and the City, (I’d rather not elaborate. :P) but I did watch the TV show, and of course I had to watch the movie. The movie was funny and better than expected. But the editing was… weird! I suspect they censored it a bit to get a R-13 rating.

But this post is not really about the movie…

While watching the movie, I realized, I don’t need anything. I just want to be happy. I don’t need a man, a husband, children, success, fame, and wealth… I just want to be happy.

I smile a lot, laugh (boisterously) a lot, but I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy. I’m a big mess and my life is an even bigger one. Sure there have been times when I felt elated, happy at a thought, at a nice compliment, excited by an event or situation. Lately, I’ve been having more success, recognition, and reasons to smile than I ever expected.

But when I go home, I am lonely, a part of me is missing. I rarely cry nowadays. My life has been worse and I think I have been through the worst I could I ever go through. But there is something wrong.

I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for. I don’t know… maybe it’s peace of mind I want. I am not looking for perfection, nor am I even attempting to achieve it. That would only make me frustrated.

But there is something… something I do not know that I seek, that I have to reach.

I do not know what would truly make me happy. I am not complaining of the life I have because it is quite good. It might be a mess, but I’ve been through worse. Maybe one day, I’ll watch a movie… and think, I am happy pala!

Baaah! My life is good now, I should be happy. Until I realize what it is I am really looking for, I’ll force myself to think that I am happy. Or at the very least, think and believe that my life now is not that bad after all. 🙂